“Sometimes the bravest thing we can do isn’t conquering a fear. It’s admitting that the fear scares the hell out of us in the first place.”

I’m fidgety. I’m standoffish. And if I’m being honest, it’s not because I don’t care—it’s because I care too much. Monday is looming, and with it comes the weight of the unknown.
Monday is lung biopsy day. A not-so-fun adventure with a 20% chance of lung collapse and a guarantee of another day off work. It kind of feels like a make-or-break situation—answers will come one way or another. Part of me is bracing for news, but a bigger part of me fully expects the result to be: “Yep, you’re just weird!”
When I get nervous, my edges sharpen. I’m not the soft, easygoing version of myself. I snap a little faster, retreat a little deeper, and build invisible walls out of sarcasm, distraction, or silence. Sometimes, if I’m forced into conversation, I overcompensate and talk too much—words spilling out just to fill the air. But truthfully? What I really want is to curl up under a furry blanket, head tucked down, lost in a game or a book where Monday doesn’t exist.

Anxiety shows up in sneaky ways. For some, it’s over-talking. For me, it’s also under-sharing. I get quiet. My body wants motion—tap a pen, pace the room, rearrange things that don’t need rearranging—but my voice wants to shut down. It’s a survival mechanism, I think. If I stay guarded, I can’t be caught off guard.
But here’s the paradox: the people around me don’t see “nervous and protecting herself.” They see “aloof” or “unapproachable.” That’s the tricky part about anxiety—it never translates quite the way we think it does.
So I’m writing this down as both a confession and a reminder:
- If I seem standoffish, it’s not you. It’s me trying to manage the storm inside.
- If I’m fidgeting, it’s because my nerves need an outlet before my brain implodes.
- And if I’m distant, it’s because I’m bracing myself for Monday, not because I want distance from you.
Monday will come, as it always does. The biopsy will happen. I’ll either laugh about how dramatic I was being, or I’ll start another chapter I didn’t ask for but will handle anyway. Either way, I’ll face it the same way I face everything else—head-on, with a mix of grit, humor, and stubbornness.
But for now, I’m just here, restless and edgy, doing my best to own it instead of hide it.
#HealthJourney #AnxietyUnmasked #TheEdgeOfMonday #RealTalk #FacingFears #WeConquerAsOne









